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  • I proposed to the Ex last week.
    She said no.
    I think she believes I am just after my money!
    I Know my jokes aren't good so show us some better ones!

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    • iadave that is a pretty good one alot better than most of natty's LMAO

      Comment


      • Where did Noah keep the bees?


        In the Ark Hives

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        • Took a second but I got there! LOL

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          • A Scotsman

            A Scotsman walking down the street sees a woman with absolutely perfect breasts.

            He approaches her and says, "Miss, would ye let me bite ye breasts for $100? “

            "Are you nuts?!!!" she replies, and keeps walking.

            He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

            "Would ye let me bite ye breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks.

            "Listen; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?”

            So the Scotsman runs around the next block and faces her again; "Would Ye let me

            bite ye breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?”

            She thinks about it for a moment and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars; O.K., just

            once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there “

            So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most

            perfect breasts in the world.

            As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling

            them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them..

            The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?”

            "Nah", says the Scotsman.... "Costs too much."

            Comment


            • 2 new sailors were on the deck of a ship.
              One turns to the other and says,"It's awfully quiet on deck tonight isn't it?"
              The other sailor replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."
              "There is no band on this ship!"
              "NO, I definitely heard the Captain say, A band on ship"

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Sunflower Man View Post
                iadave that is a pretty good one alot better than most of natty's LMAO
                Oh Bite me.


                A young man goes in a bar and sits next to a very attractive 60ish lady. He orders a drink and thinks to himself that she must have a beautiful daughter somewhere based on her beauty.

                They eventually strike up a conversation and after several drinks she leans over and asks him if he would consider a mother/daughter threesome.He agreed so she told him to follow her home.

                They arrive at her house and walk up to the front door. She smiles at him as they enter the house,then as they approach the stairway she yells Hey Ma! You still awake ?

                Comment


                • Originally posted by natty View Post
                  oh bite me.


                  A young man goes in a bar and sits next to a very attractive 60ish lady. He orders a drink and thinks to himself that she must have a beautiful daughter somewhere based on her beauty.

                  They eventually strike up a conversation and after several drinks she leans over and asks him if he would consider a mother/daughter threesome.he agreed so she told him to follow her home.

                  They arrive at her house and walk up to the front door. She smiles at him as they enter the house,then as they approach the stairway she yells hey ma! You still awake ?
                  rotflmao!
                  “Democracy is the worst form of government, -------------------------------except for all the others.”

                  ― Winston S. Churchill

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                  • Retirement in Alaska...and why some don't..

                    Jeff had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits and buys 50acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month, otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
                    After six months or so of almost total isolation, there comes a knock on his door. He
                    opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

                    "Name's Stan, your neighbor from fifty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about5:00."

                    “Great," says Jeff. "After six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

                    As Stan is leaving, he stops. "Gott'a warn you. Be some drinkin’."

                    “Not a problem," says Jeff. "After 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of' em."

                    Again the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

                    "Well I get along with people. I'll be all right and if not, I can handle myself pretty well. I'll be there. Thanks again."

                    "More 'n’ likely be some wild sex too."

                    "Now that's really not a problem," says Jeff, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months. I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?”

                    "Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."

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                    • Why do cows have hooves and not feet?



                      Because they Lactose

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                      • Originally posted by Sunflower Man View Post
                        Why do cows have hooves and not feet?



                        Because they Lactose
                        Neither does Dale !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                        ROTFLMAO

                        JDG

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                        • that leads to this one, lmao, of course it's gott'a fit...




                          A recent study found that the average golfer walks

                          > about 900 miles a year.

                          >

                          > Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22

                          > gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers

                          > get about 41 miles to the gallon.

                          >

                          > Kind of makes you proud. I almost feel like a

                          > hybrid.

                          Comment


                          • Sorry dennis, I ride a golf cart. that walking is to much work. I be so tired out I wouldn't be able to sit and drink


                            Great observation tho

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                            • The one with the wife under the golf cart has already been used, SOOOOO:

                              lol

                              A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a

                              mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He

                              found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he

                              thought he could hit through.


                              Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The

                              ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and

                              killed him.


                              As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter
                              asked, "Are you a good golfer?"


                              The man replied: ”Got here in two, didn't I?

                              Comment


                              • Police are called to an apartment and find a woman

                                holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man.



                                The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your

                                husband?"



                                "Yes" says the woman.



                                "Did you hit him with that golf club?"



                                "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to

                                sob, drops the club and puts her hands on her face.



                                "How many times did you hit him?"



                                ”I don't know -- put me down for a

                                five."

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