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Terrible Jokes

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  • #31
    Little Johnny walked in on his parents doing the deed. He asked what they were doing so his dad told him the only thing he could think of, they were making a baby and Johnny should leave so they could finish it.

    The next day Johnny's dad come home to find Johnny crying his eyes out. Dad asked "Son What's wrong? Why are you crying?".

    Johnny looked up at his dad and said "You know that baby you and mommy made last night?". Dad said yes. "Well......the milkman came by this morning and ate it!".


    • #32
      Forum: Humor
      Share CLEAN jokes and funny stories from farm country.


      • #33
        82 Thats a very clean joke. Both sets of partners showered after doing IT


        • #34
          82 -- "THE King " has a dam good point


          • #35
            Originally posted by 82 View Post
            Forum: Humor
            Share CLEAN jokes and funny stories from farm country.

            Dennis started it. I never knew Dennis when he was young but I'm pretty sure he was a juvenile delinquent.


            • #36
              Question How can you tell its a tough less bian bar??

              Answer Even the pool tables don't have balls.

              Another one about food this time.

              I'm not saying she is a ****, but she's shoved so much meat in her mouth, Nathan's banned her from the hot dog eating contest.

              Slvt is banded????
              Last edited by Kinghere; 09-04-2014, 09:12 PM.


              • #37
                This should help balance things out.

                I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said, 'Nope, you're still black'.

                Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 6 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that!

                A 10-year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.'

                Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

                Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

                I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself. 'I'm going to take that.'

                Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks back up and shouts back. You're in a basket you dumb ****!

                I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country?

                I think this just might cover about everyone! Read on and smile....


                Last edited by ses; 09-04-2014, 09:56 PM.


                • #38
                  Ses, In case you missed anybody

                  Ff walked up to a pretty girl at the bar the other night and said, "Hey , babe, can I buy you a drink"?

                  She said, Do you like sex."

                  Ff replied, "Of course I like sex>"

                  She said, "Do you like to travel?"

                  FF said, "Yeah, I love to travel>

                  She said, "Then F*ck off."


                  • #39
                    Ole and Sven were up on the roof putting down shingles . Sven picks up a nail and throws it away. picks up another nail and pounds it in the roof. next one he throws away. well Ole asks why are throwing away some of those nails? vell some have the point on the wrong side. Ole says you dummy those are for the other side of the roof.


                    • #40
                      here is a dud clean up....

                      Little Johnny asks the teacher, "Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?"

                      The teacher replies, "Yes, but only after you recite the alphabet, Johnny."

                      Little Johnny says, "Fine!" Then he quickly babbles out: "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO QRSTUVWXYZ!! !"

                      The teacher asks him, "Where is the P, Johnny?"

                      Johnny screams, "IT'S RUNNING DOWN MY LEG!!! PLEASE LET ME GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!"


                      • #41
                        Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.

                        Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

                        His dad mentioned that if he so much as hinted anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the spanking of his life. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

                        When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The new mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

                        Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes." "Can he see?" asked Little Johnny.

                        "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

                        "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be in trouble if he needed glasses!"


                        • #42
                          One day little Johnny's teacher was teaching the class about agriculture. To help with this, she was showing pictures of farm equipment. She puts up the first picture, "What is this a picture of class?" she asks.

                          Little Suzy puts up her hand and Johnny sticks up his hand. Of course, the teacher just knows that Johnny has something dirty in mind and picks Suzy."What is this Suzy?".

                          "Its a rake".

                          "Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?" she asks and points at the next picture. Johnny's hand shoots up and, little Anne politely puts up her hand, and once again the teacher ignores little Johnny.

                          "That's a pitchfork" says little Suzy.

                          "Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?" The teacher asks once more. Dead silence, only one student has their hand up, and of course its little Johnny.

                          Seeming as though no one else was volunteering, the teacher asked Johnny. "OK Johnny, what is this?".

                          All of a sudden Johnny realizes he doesn't know the answer. "UH, UH, its a shovel, yeah, it's a shovel."

                          "No Johnny, this isn't a shovel, this is a hoe".

                          "What? My sister's a hoe and she doesn't look nutin' like that!!"


                          • #43
                            Johnny had gambling problem in school. So the teacher called Johnny's father and told him they had to find a way to stop Johnny's gambling. They both agreed the best way would be to somehow make Johnny lose a lot of money on a bet.

                            A few days go by and Johnny's teacher calls Johnny's father all excited and told him she didn't think Johnny would be gambling any more anytime soon. Johnny's father asks her why she thinks that?

                            Johnny's teacher explains. Well, Johnny accused me of being a liar because my carpet did not match the curtains. So to prove I was not a liar I bet him $5.00 that they matched.

                            So what did you do Johnny's father asks? Well I promptly lifted my skirt pulled down my panties and proved to him that they do indeed match she replied proudly. He paid me $5.00 for losing the bet she exclaimed happily.

                            Johnny's father shakes his head and sadly says. You didn't teach Johnny anything. In fact, you may have made his gambling problem worse.

                            Confused Johnny's teacher asks why.

                            Because, Johnny's father says. Johnny bet me $25.00 this morning before he left for school he would see your carpet before the end of the school day.


                            • #44
                              I'll get to the Scottish later...

                              Teacher asks, “State your name, please.”

                              "Mohammad,” he replied.

                              "You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher. “So from now on you will be known as Frank.”

                              Mohammad returned home after school. "How was your day, Mohammad?", his mother asked.

                              "My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Frank.”

                              "Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" And his mother beat him.

                              Then she called his father, who came home and beat him again.

                              The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his bruises.

                              "What happened to you, Frank?", she asked.

                              "Well shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two fvking Arabs."


                              • #45
                                What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman? Snow balls !!!