Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Terrible Jokes

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Vell Ole and Sven were out golfing one day and Sven took out a cigar but didn't have a light. So Ole pulls out a 12 in Bic lighter.
    Holy Moly Sven says, Where did you get such a big lighter? from my Genie says Ole. you got a Genie. Oh Ya here in my golf bag.
    Vell Sven wants to know if he could have a wish to since we're good friends. Vell Ya so Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks, the Genie dissappeared in the golf bag and soon there was this loud noise and a million ducks flew over. Sven says I didn't ask for a million ducks. Oh I forgot to tell ya my Genie's hard of hearing, do you really tink I asked for a 12 in. Bic.

    Comment


    • #17
      Lena competed against a French woman and an English woman in a breast stroke swim competion across the english channel. the French woman came in first , the English woman came in second and Lena came in last really exhuasted . Vell I don't vant to complain but I tink they both used their arms

      Comment


      • #18
        I have NOBODY to blame -- but myself for reading this dumbchit !

        Comment


        • #19
          No dude, this beats the hell out of CHAT AND CHEW CAFE !

          I just need to try to recall some dumb chitt i've heard in my lifetime.

          Comment


          • #20
            When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

            Comment


            • #21
              Where the heck is my NoDaddy head banging block ??

              Comment


              • #22
                What did the fish say when he ran into the wall? Dam!

                Comment


                • #23
                  http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=...F5E775167B96AB

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Sorry bout this SES , but there are A LOT of simple minds on here .


                    Why don't chickens wear underwear ? ? ?

                    They eat with they're peck-er ! !

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      You may have seen these already.

                      THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:


                      1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
                      Marrying you has screwed up my life.

                      2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
                      That's why I always wake up screaming.

                      3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
                      This describes everything you are not.


                      4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
                      But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

                      5. I thought that I could love no other ...
                      that is, until I met your brother.

                      6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
                      But the roses are wilting,the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.

                      7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
                      But don't take that paper bag off your face.

                      8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
                      Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

                      9. My love, you take my breath away.
                      What have you stepped in to smell this way?

                      10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
                      Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

                      11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
                      Two parts vodka, one part lime.

                      Comment


                      • #26

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          The teacher asked the class make a sentence using the words pistol too. Jimmy raised his hand and the teacher called on him.
                          The Lone Ranger tamed the west with his Indian friend and his pistol too.

                          Well little Johnny was waving his hand wanting to be next and the teacher didn't really want to call him but felt she had to.
                          Little johnny says at our house we make home brew, we drink till twelve and pizz till two

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Don't you just love them Johnny jokes ? lmao

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Little Johnny is playing on the street when he spots a package of Viagra
                              pills. Being a boy of the world, he immediately recognizes the
                              possibilities and approaches his daddy "Dad, I just found these, and I'm
                              willing to sell them to you for 100 Dollars straight."

                              "Son, well, while this is a very good offer, I'm in perfect physical
                              health and not currently needing those. Tell you what, go ask Grandpa."

                              So Little Johnny walks over and asks his grandfather "Gramps, I will
                              sell you this package of Viagra for 100 Dollars."

                              "Oh, thanks Little Johnny, but are you sure these will work?" asked his
                              grandpa.

                              "Gee, I don't know. But they do look like the ones that were shown on
                              TV!" replied Little Johnny.

                              "Tell you what, Little Johnny, I'll try them tonight and if they work
                              OK, I'll give you the money tomorrow."

                              The next morning, Little Johnny visits his grandfather again, and Gramps
                              hands over $500 without hesitation. Little Johnny is perplexed, "But
                              Gramps, I thought we agreed on 100 Dollars!"

                              "That's OK Little Johnny, keep it, the rest is from Grandma!"

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Mommy's Balloons

                                Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

                                Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.

                                A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X