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Terrible Jokes

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  • Originally posted by natty View Post
    Heard this at Mass last week;

    You've gotta love the Irish !!

    A black guy and Murphy go into a pastry shop.
    The black guy whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't even notice.
    The black guy says to Murphy, "You see how clever we are? ...
    You Paddies can never beat that!"
    Murphy says to the black guy, "Watch dis, any Paddy is smarter din you, and I'll prove it to ya."
    He says to the; baker, "Gimme a cookie, I'll show ya a magic trick!"
    The baker gives him the cookie, which he promptly eats.
    Then he says to the baker, "Gimme anudder cookie for me magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious, but he gives it to him.
    He eats this one too.
    Then he says again, "Gimme one more cookie..."
    The baker is getting angry now, but gives him one anyway. He
    eats this one too.
    Now the baker is really mad, and he yells,
    "OK... And now where is your famous magic trick?"

    Murphy says....
    " Now look in the black guy's pocket!"
    If you want credibility , the 1st line should read..."a black guy and Murphy go into a BAR"!!!


    • noooooooo PERCY....Murphy is a cop!

      ooops, that might not irritate anyone either! LMAO


      • Every one know the black guy wasn't stealing. It isn't stealing until you leave the property


        • What prompted my post was after watching "National Security" movie last was comedy and if made today would be censored to
          just the shooting by the bad guys...


          • You know why God invented whiskey?

            To prevent the Irish from running the world and it has worked so far……





              • God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.

                "It's a very handy thing," God told the couple, who he found under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability."

                Before God had a chance to explain any further, Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to, please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability, It'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals. I could just stand there and let it fly. It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please..." Adam went on and on like an excited little boy who had to pee.

                Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy and she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given this ability.

                And so Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his misdirection while in a vertical position. And so, he was happy and did celebrate by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while. And it was good.

                "Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, "What's left here? Oh yes, Multiple orgasms..."


                • Damn!


                  • How Obama got the prize

                    A big city Chicago lawyer went duck hunting in rural Wisconsin. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

                    As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing.

                    The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

                    The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and your not coming over here."

                    The indignant lawyer replied. "I'm one of the best trial lawyers in the whole United States, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything that you own.

                    The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Wisconsin. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Walker Three Kick Rule."

                    The lawyer asked, "What is the Walker Three Kick Rule?"

                    The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until someone gives up."

                    The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

                    The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up to the city fella. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin, which dropped him to his knees.

                    His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face.

                    The lawyer was flat on his belly, when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn't.

                    The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old tosser, now it's my turn."

                    The old farmer smiled and said,

                    "Naw, I give up, You can keep the duck!"


                    • If your nose runs and your feet smell, you're upside-down.


                      • WOW, slow news day eh Bill ??

                        Haven't heard one for a while so I'll sit back for a bit.

                        Any new contributors ?????


                        • ;;
                          Last edited by 4450; 02-14-2015, 07:01 AM.


                          • Come on 4450, even after a cactus fight, you can do better than your post #192


                            • Yeah 4450 - what the deal with post 192 ?? Let her rip - lol


                              • I've been debating since this thread started to post a joke or not. Finally did in the middle of the night but decided this morning it probably wasn't appropriate.