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Terrible Jokes

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  • Terrible Jokes

    Here's a few cheap laughs I hadn't heard before:

    A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

    A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

    An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at, either.

    Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

    Deja Moo: The feeling you've already heard this bull before.

  • #2
    Those are probably the best jokes that have been posted on here since the first two Sunday school appropriate jokes I posted awhile go.

    They were unappreciated also.


    • #3
      Potter B told me he was going to start a bakery. as soon as he could raise enough dough


      • #4
        82...there are some things even I don't want to ruin

        Duke..good one

        so from me, why not?

        Hey, I just read that the reason they are not arresting any LOOTERS in Ferguson is because Eric Holder's Justice Department has reclassified them.
        They are not LOOTERS anymore


        • #5
          Anybody want me to delete this thread? It's sure dragging this site down. I can do it.


          • #6
            With one stroke of his pen, mighty o makes changes and ses just pushes a button/key or two..


            • #7
              Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking...

              Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
              Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
              "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
              And they did.
              "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
              And they did.
              "Now we eat everybody." And they did.
              When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
              His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the **** inside!"

              No need to thank me, I just try to learn something new every day.


              • #8
                Go ahead ses and do your deal - I can't take any more of this dumb chit


                • #9
                  Market Research:

                  A man doing market research for Vaseline knocked on the door
                  and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around
                  at her feet. He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline." Have you ever
                  used the product?'
                  She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time,"
                  The researcher then asks, "And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use
                  it for?"
                  "We use it for sex."
                  The researcher was a little taken back. "Usually people lie to me and say
                  that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge.
                  But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for
                  your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how
                  you use it for sex?"
                  The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all...My husband and I put it
                  on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."

                  suppose those dobies know how to open doors too!


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by ECI View Post
                    Go ahead ses and do your deal - I can't take any more of this dumb chit

                    Weeeeeeeelllll...... They are improving a bit. That dumb jitt Potter put up about got taken down. We'll see where it goes, I can still give it the ax.


                    • #11
                      Breaking News: White House Gardener Fired

                      James "Jim" Whitey, the head gardener at the White House, was dismissed today after 31 years of loyal service to scores of US Presidents and First Ladies.

                      In an exclusive interview outside the back gate of the Presidential Residence, the 64-year old Mr. Whitey, proclaimed his innocence and strongly condemned his firing.

                      "It all happened so fast. I'm still in a daze," said the bewildered Whitey.

                      "All I know is, I was getting ready to weed the rose bed outside the Oval Office window like I do every week. I called out to my assistants, 'Has anyone seen the spade and the hoe?' And the next thing I knew, the Secret Service was hauling my azs off the property.


                      • #12
                        What is a ghost's favorite desert?

                        Boooooooooooberry pie.


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by 82 View Post
                          What is a ghost's favorite desert?

                          Boooooooooooberry pie.

                          Ok, alright, that's enough of this crap. If you can't post jokes more appropriate for this site I'm going to have to take action!

                          If it wasn't for the joke Dennis just posted I'd have already lowered the boom. Kegger done a good job too. If you folks want this to remain a viable site you're going to have to shape up.

                          Don't make me have to post here again!


                          • #14
                            The wedding night
                            A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be known, he's
                            >> a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she
                            >> cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.
                            He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My darring,'
                            >> he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten.
                            I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting
                            >> you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?' he says,trying to sound
                            >> experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
                            A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her
                            >> request. She whispers back, 'I wanna try somesing I have hear about from
                            >> odda girls...Numbaa 69.'
                            More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled
                            >> tone he asks: "You want...... Garlic Chicken wif snow peas?"


                            • #15
                              Last Seat In Church.....

                              A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was
                              sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at
                              the front of the church.

                              Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each
                              other in a frantic effort to get away from evil

                              So the church was empty except for one elderly cowboy who sat calmly in is
                              pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's
                              ultimate enemy was in his presence.

                              So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I

                              The old cowboy replied, "Yep, sure do."

                              "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

                              "Nope, sure ain't." said the cowboy

                              "Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked

                              "Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even

                              "Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all
                              eternity?" persisted Satan.

                              "Yep," was the calm reply

                              And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan

                              "Nope," said the old cowboy

                              More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of

                              The old cowboy calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48